I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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