Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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