I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
