capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
