Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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