Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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