I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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