You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
