I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
