Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
