No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
