So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
