So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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