Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
