Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
