He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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