Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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