We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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