What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
