I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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