he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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