I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
