I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
