chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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