i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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