I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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