I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
