i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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