I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
