Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
