They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
