A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
