I seem to have left my pride at pride
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
