Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
