Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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