this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
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