the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
