PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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