I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
