i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
