Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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