found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
