During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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