Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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