Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
