I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
