I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Operation Purity has been aborted
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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