Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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