so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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