First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
