well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
