i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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