Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
