Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
